WHAT IS A BRAIN DUMP?
A brain dump is simply the act of dumping all the contents of your mind onto paper as one might dump the contents of a purse onto a table. You are spilling out stressors, your nagging thoughts, your pesky annoyances.
I am going to dump my brain how I want too though, and not stick to bullet points and structure, but more Morgan style.. with word vomit.
Do you ever feel like the universe picks on you? Like the universe sees you succeeding at something and decides to take a big ole shit on you and now you have to clean THAT up. You can’t seem to catch that break that we’re all chasin. Exhausting.
I reunited with an old friend from years ago this weekend and she truly opened my eyes to what a healthy friendship looks like and ridding yourself of these negative people is okay and healthy. We have so much in common and she doesn’t think I’m an anorexic bitch which seems to be the go to punch for me these days.
I have finally admitted that me and alcohol need to part ways. I look back at the past months or year and how much I have missed because I was too concerned with where/when I was getting my next drink. Think about how many arguments could have been resolved without starting WW3 first. So much wasted breath on unnecessary yelling and name calling. Sober Morgan is much more pleasant to be around. People like her.
Since embarking on this sober journey I already see a change in not only myself, but my relationships with family, friends, work, and my overall outlook on life. That may seem exaggerated and corny to some, but it’s the truth to me.
I’m starting to appreciate my body. YES! It may be a small appreciation, but the fact that I can be happy some days with how I reflect in my mirror is a HUGE milestone for me and anyone who suffers from an ED.
That dump I mentioned earlier, the one the universe took on me, is not something I’m ready to speak publicly about. There is still a lot of lessons I need learn through this before I am comfortable enough to open up. I put my story out there for the world to read and to help others. I will share this new journey with you all in my next post. WHICH WILL BE SOON AND NOT 5 MONTHS FROM NOW! pinky promise 🙂
Happy Mothers Day to all you beautiful mamas out there!!!
This morning, Ian missed the litter box by a whole apartment and peed on my bed, with me still in it.
I couldn’t sleep. Stared at my ceiling, anxious because of the enormous amount of SHIT filling up my brain and there’s no way anxiety will give dreaming any space. Trust me I know my anxiety.
When my heart races with no physical activity to get her pumpin, I get a little upset. Why? Because I know it’s trying to keep up with my RACING thoughts going well over the speed limit. No breaks.
Once my thoughts make a few laps, time to bring on the panic-attack resulting in me crying for basically no reason, just thoughts. Overthinking, worry, guilt, love, what ifs, what if nots.
I’m now breathing in the aroma of cat pee and crying in my bed while I take deep breaths to try and gain control of the steering wheel again. Not yet concerned by the fact I’m still laying in the new designated litter box.
Sometimes I make myself sick with these unnecessary thoughts. SURE, we all think about these things, but let’s try and do it at a moreappropriate time!
I know that’s out of my control. It may be MY mind MY thoughts, but it doesn’t matter. This is MY bed, but this morning it became Ian’s litter box. It didn’t matter.
There’s a little peek into Morgan’s head. Laundry here I come.