Superstitious– a belief or practice resulting from ignorance, fear of the unknown, trust in magic or chance, or a false conception of causation.
– Morgan Marie Roberts
During counseling this morning, I counted 7 times that I felt compelled to knock on this round, wooden side-table, placed next to the bright, orange couch I sit on every other Tuesday.
Why did I feel the need to reach over and knock on a wooden table that many times?
Naturally, I need to appeal to the tree-dwelling spirits and ward off any bad luck and bring good fortune my way..
When I start to notice a trend of positivity during a therapy session, my brain goes..
“Oh shit, your life is moving in the right direction, your happy, your healing, you’re making progress?” “Better knock on some wood, honey, and wake those little tree fairies. “The pin in your life grenade has already been pulled and it’s only a matter of time before all that good shit you’re boasting about right now, goes KABOOM!”
In this moment, I am okay.
In this moment, I am happy.
In this moment, I am stronger.
Still, In this moment, I fear the unknown.
I can’t change what happens in an hour, tomorrow, next week. Knocking on a piece of wood doesn’t change the inevitable.
Pain is a feeling I know too well. Pain from loss, past trauma, guilt, the what if’s and the why’s?
I have been stripped of a freedom that comes with being carefree.
You see, I’m still carefree..but from a distance.
Just imagine that imaginary wall we all use to protect ourselves in certain situations.
I’m just sitting on top of mine, way up high, looking down from an overly safe distance.
You know what’s exhausting? Being worried all the time. Being worried that something HAS to go wrong, when it’s all going right.
This Thursday is April 1, 2021 and I will be turning 33.
THIRTY-THREE AND CARE FREE!!
(psst..i’m actually really excited to shout this mantra over and over, come Thursday)
this is what I’m trying to say..
Fear is the most limiting force for a human being. A fear based state of existence is consumed with suffering, owing to the constant stress of living each day. Instead of living unconsciously, lost in your minds endless chatter, we should live consciously, present and in the moment. Become free from the control of your mind and practice gratitude.
stop knocking on wood already.